How to Raise a Nation of Conspiracy Theorists - Satire

WARNING - This piece is Satire (That's for any liberals)

How to raise a nation of conspiracy theorists.

1. Create a history of political figures that lie, steal, and instill in the nation a feeling of distrust.
A. See Richard Nixon (I am not a criminal), Bill Clinton (I did not have sex with that woman), George Bush (No new taxes), Barack Obama (You can keep your health care provider)
B.2003-2004 ASUCD Senator James Ackerman attempts to steal $356.76 worth of books from the UCD Bookstore yet remains in office. It doesn't get reported on. Joseph L. Bruno, the former Senate majority leader of New York was charged with corruption. Derrick D.T. Shepherd, former senator from Louisiana,
was sentenced to thirty-seven months in prison in federal court in a money laundering conspiracy.
C. Too many instances to look up.
D. Health care bill that the Democrats won't sign off on unless they get something out of it.
E. The 4-B Congress (Badgered, Bullied, Brainwashed and Bribed)

2. Create a media that is biased and only reports what you want them to report.
A. CBS, NBC, CNN, MSNBC (did I leave anyone out?)
B. Best moments of the year did not include the tea party movement?

3. Ridicule your opponents from every podium you can.
A. Have your press secretary state that the opposing News media that is trying to actually report the news, unbiased and fair, is not really a news station.
B. Have the President do the same.
C. Have the news media come out and do the same thing.
D. Have the news media that are in lock step with you throw a couple bones to make them look a little legit so that those who do find the truth look like conspiracy theorists.

4. Get control of the Internet
A. Distribute lies and half-truths on the Internet, so that when people search they find what you want them to.
B. Create your own on-line encyclopedia that has "facts" that anyone can search, and don't tell anyone it has a socialist bent.
C. If people start getting wise to you, and digging deeper than you'd like, start opening up the Internet to the enemy so they can cyber attack us, and say, "Why no, China has no reason to attack us...let's not look into cyber attacks from them."
D. If that doesn't work, create an Internet B and don't let average American citizens participate.

5. When the opposing Party in Congress does get wise to your tactics, call them the party of no and say they're not playing fair.
A. Don't say that the public doesn't want it either, just say they're saying they don't want it.
B. Point to all the negatives.
C. Make sure you don't point out that you were against all this when the previous administration did it.

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Lori Ann Smith
I fight for freedom and sometimes there really is a conspiracy.